Right now with everything going on in the world and the United States, there is a lot of fear out there. I’m not afraid to admit last week/weekend I became so anxious, scared, stressed and depressed. I was so scared of losing family members that I just started crying. I was on Facebook and Twitter and watching the news so much that I was getting scared. Then on Sunday I was looking for a live church stream, but most of them were done. Then I found one. There was a pastor preaching about faith over fear with this virus and life. I needed that message. I can’t tell you how much better I’m thinking again. Hearing this verse in the New Living Translation eased my fears and helped me remember where my time and energy needs to be. I have faith in God. Here is the verse “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift that the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 NLT.

I was getting so worried and worked up when I didn’t need to be. Am I worried about the future right now and everyone’s health – yes. I don’t take this lightly. I gave that to God. Worrying doesn’t do anything for me, and God said “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to this life?” Matthew 6:27. He also says “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:34. God doesn’t want us worrying, He takes that on for us. We have to have faith in him.

I don’t believe that God caused this COVID-19 so more people could have quiet time or come to him more. I don’t believe it because God says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.11…Again… “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ” He literally said he doesn’t want to harm us so why would he have wanted this virus to come and spread like it is? God is here to give us a hope and future – we know what’s going on right now is temporary. God is here to be a healer and helper and comforter. We can give Him our worries right now. We can pray for ourselves and others.

I’ve always had faith in God but sometimes you get so hyper-focused on something that you don’t have as much faith. I was watching the news a lot and all the numbers and stats that were coming in all the time terrified me. I was panicking how will this stop? What will happen? Will we go back to school this year? All these worries were surrounding me. Until I heard that God gives us a peace of mind and heart. I was worrying about things that are out of my control. God is here to walk with us today as he does everyday. I’ve been doing much better mentally since yesterday. I don’t feel bogged down. I feel hopeful I know this is temporary. I put all my trust and faith back in God. Does this mean I don’t worry at all? No, I still have worries but I give them to God to help me.

Living with a chronic illness adds a new layer of fear in this pandemic. I was scared and still am about what happens if I get it. The answer is, I don’t know. So I pray that I will stay healthy. I was worrying so much about things happening and what would it mean for me that my energy wasn’t going into my family or myself or God. Last week my depression got really bad. I was supposed to have a counseling appointment Wednesday. I didn’t want to risk any germs so I didn’t go, and this week I regretted not going. There were a few days that I didn’t know how I could keep going on like this. When I found out we weren’t going back to school until at least May 1st it shattered me. I know this is what needs to happen to keep us all safe and healthy. It’s hard because we didn’t say see you later or anything to the kids – we didn’t know. We went to school only the adults on Monday and we didn’t even really say bye to each other because the plan was to return on Tuesday, but plans changed. Monday was the last day I was with my co-workers. I miss it. I love my job so much and it gives me so much purpose. I love helping a child learn. Work was also my social place. We don’t sit around and talk all day trust me. I’m talking about talking and interacting with the kids and other adults. I don’t get to go out to every restaurant and bars on the weekends. I don’t have energy. Work was my only social place and it got ripped out without warning. You may be thinking how could this be different than summer vacation? Well we could still meet up with co-workers and sometimes you run into a kid when you’re running errands. No one was prepared to say goodbye to the kids and staff like we do at summer. We know summer break is coming. This we didn’t know and it all changed so fast. However this also gives me hope because I know I will be able to see everyone again soon and things will go back to normal. I haven’t been checking Facebook as much and my Twitter is more filled with sports things again. I’m not dismissing the severity of what’s going on I just can’t watch it every single day. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

For now I need to have faith in God and hope for tomorrow.

“I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift from the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 NLT.

xoxo,

Abby