Earlier this week it was 2 years ago when I was in the hospital and I never bounced back from that, 2 years later we are still searching for answers. Instead of talking about the “now” I am going to rewind it back.
I miss the girl I was in this picture. The picture was taken in July of 2013 during the fair. I was happy, like truly happy (even though I was pretty serious in the picture ha). Dad was alive and I was only dealing with minor very minor health problems before this. I had just graduated high school and was getting ready to go out in the real world. I look at this picture and miss who I was in this picture. My eyes go right to my legs. I miss being able to walk. I can walk a few steps here and there but not without pain running through my legs. Before, I could take so many steps without even thinking about all the freedom I was lucky enough to have. I didn’t have to worry about passing out. I walked and walked. I just crave being able to walk again. A lot of my dreams at night are of me walking and running – I miss it. I miss having so much energy. I didn’t have to plan out my day, I just went where I needed to go and did what needed to be done. I could show cows, and go golfing, go for a walk or a run. I had energy to hang out with friends and go out to eat and shop and so much more. I miss driving to wherever I needed to go. I miss all the independence I had at the time. I didn’t have to rely on other people all of the time. I was independent. I look at this picture and envy the strength that I once had. I miss being able to open jars and windows by myself. I didn’t have to do strength tests because I was strong then. I miss sitting on a floor or being able to bend down. I miss being flexible. I miss that girl in the picture she didn’t have to worry about her hair falling out or her nails breaking. She didn’t have to worry about making sure she took all of her medications. That girl wasn’t depressed or anxious, she was happy. Her calendar was free – it wasn’t filled with doctor appointments. This blog post isn’t a pity party and I don’t want it to be a pity party. I just truly miss the girl I was in this picture. She had her life “planned” out. She had things to look forward to in the future. Life was good.
Even though certain circumstances can make a person change or make their lifestyle change, one thing will always remain the same.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”- Hebrews 13:8